I feel like a big loser.

Follow up isn't very strong characteristic for me. When I got my dog I had great plans to train her and make her a real good dog. Well that didn't happen. Apparently when you neglect this particular breed they become destructive so she went on rampages of steeling food and going through the garbage cans. She ended up driving me crazy and I gave up on her. The kids gave up too. In the end she was put outside most of the day and was miserable so I told the kids she needed to be in a different home, one where the people in it could pay attention to her. So that's what we did but it wasn't without lots of guilt from me. I guess I deserve it.

I also cannot keep my house in a state of order. It's in constant chaos. I know this is driving Bill crazy but I don't know what to about it. I feel like I nag my children daily about putting their things away but it doesn't help and they look at me like I'm some cyclops monster. This is my fault too as I don't put my own stuff away so they've taken my bad habits and run with them ten fold. At least Liam is good about putting his stuff away!

I know that the Lord puts things in our way so that we stop and run to Him (hopefully), so that's what I want to do. The problem is that I get distracted when I pray due to sleep deprivation and the chaos so I'm not spending as much time as I need or like. I don't want to be the way I am, easily frustrated right now but I don't know how to not do it in my own power. Thankfully I know that I'm not perfect and the Lord knows it too. Breathe on me sweet breath of God! I would so like to be a sweet and thoughtful woman but instead I feel like a scatterbrained nincompoop! Maybe that will happen yet someday.

Sorry to be a bummer of a post but I just felt the need to be honest.

THings I'm grateful for:

Health,
Shelter
Food
Clothing
Family
Fall Colors
The honor of living in a free country with the right to choose our leaders!
Freedom of religion
My Bible
My husband
Books
Sewing machine
music
Friends (especially the ones who really know who I am!)

Learning to be a big brother.

Liam is doing well being a big brother these days. He likes to touch Gavin's nose and give him kisses. At times he does things like smack his head and poke his eyes but I think it's more out of toddler enthusiasm than vindictiveness. He is fussy these days though but I think it's because he's sick. I've been trying to give the baby to someone else to hold so I can spend time with him. Sometimes all he needs is to be held and kissed too. Don't we all?

Look who's filling out!

Gavin is doing great. He's gained 2.5 pounds since he was born. He eats well and is trying to smile but doesn't quite get it. He sleeps 2 six hour stints at night. Whoo-hoo! I'm so in love with all of them!

My little babes.

Liam was playing dress up this week. It's his Halloween costume that is too cute on him but unfortunately he doesn't like it too much. I think it's because it's a pretty warm outfit. Taylor managed to snap a picture anyway.

Me and Gavin posed for the next two pictures. I was going for a sepia tone in the first shot but I don't think it looks like that. I need to play with it a little more. The second was a cute pic but was very dark so I lightened it but now it looks like a really old picture. Gavin had a hard day today. He barely slept all day and then just crashed. I'm grateful that it wasn't in the middle of the night like he did one night. I paid Taylor some babysitting money to hold him for an hour while I took a nap. After that hour she ran upstairs and begged me to take him as he'd been crying almost the entire time. He had really bad gas pains...poor baby!

The other boys had soccer games that they either won or tied. Austin's coach paid him a compliment that he'd played really well, the best ever for him last week.

Taylor started going to a Bible study for girls at our church. Several people commented that she was a crack up and made the evening lively for everyone!

As for me, I'm tired but that's par for the course with a newborn. We're starting to get back to doing school although we never seem to get a normal day without interuptions. The kids don't mind but I've been very neglectful with science and history. Oops!

New pics of Gavin and family.

Here's some more pics of my cutie petuties! Gavin is 3 weeks old and over 7 lbs. I'm so grateful for the way God's blessed us. I fall asleep thanking Him for healthy children. His cheeks are starting to fill out. Liam likes kissing the top of his head (he doesn't like kissing anyone else). It is certainly crazy around here with schooling, and basic things like eating and bathing but I wouldn't have it any other way. I do admit to enjoying that time at night when everyone's in bed and I can breathe deeply again (and sit!). Gavin has started sleeping 5-6 hours at night. How cool is that? I sleep more now than when I was pregnant.

6 unremarkable things about me

Melanie tagged me for a meme. It's supposed to be about 6 unremarkable things about me.

1. I love chocolate and can never get enough. I was diagnosed years ago with manic depression and when I told a counselor that he made an observation that I ate chocolate every day which was a form of self-medication. Great! One more reason to pass the chocolates! It's for my mental health.

2. I love kids but never planned to be a stay at home mom. I really wanted a career and wanted kids too but didn't plan on spending time at home with them, especially not to homeschool them...those people were crazy! Once I had Taylor though I couldn't stand it that others were raising her. Over time I've realized that you only get one shot with your children and you'd better make it count. I love staying home now and usually love being with them (unless they are bickering...then I wouldn't mind that little yellow bus!)

3. I really love studying the Bible with aids. GIve me a concordance, commentaries, and other study aids and I really like to study the Bible. I'm not into those get togethers where we all discuss our feelings....yuck! The more academic the better. Unfortunately I'm the only one that likes to study this way so for now I'm on my own.

4. I fall asleep to the t.v. It's a terrible habit, I know but it puts me to sleep faster than a pill. My mom was vacationing with me at one point and as soon as she heard the Law and Order "dun, dun" music she'd look over and I'd be fast asleep.

5. I've always wanted to play the violin. Someday maybe I will. I really want one of my own but I don't really have the time or money. It's on my list of things to do one day. For now I fiddle with Dylan's half sized one sometimes and can play Mary had a Little Lamb.

6. I hate housework. No surprise to anyone who knows me. One day I hope to have a handle on my bad habits like collecting things and not cleaning up very much. Give my choice between spending time with the kids or the Lord and cleaning and the kids win every time.

I tag: Lisa P, Kris H, Dana, Lisa M. Rachel, and Deb.