Monday, October 27, 2008

I feel like a big loser.

Follow up isn't very strong characteristic for me. When I got my dog I had great plans to train her and make her a real good dog. Well that didn't happen. Apparently when you neglect this particular breed they become destructive so she went on rampages of steeling food and going through the garbage cans. She ended up driving me crazy and I gave up on her. The kids gave up too. In the end she was put outside most of the day and was miserable so I told the kids she needed to be in a different home, one where the people in it could pay attention to her. So that's what we did but it wasn't without lots of guilt from me. I guess I deserve it.

I also cannot keep my house in a state of order. It's in constant chaos. I know this is driving Bill crazy but I don't know what to about it. I feel like I nag my children daily about putting their things away but it doesn't help and they look at me like I'm some cyclops monster. This is my fault too as I don't put my own stuff away so they've taken my bad habits and run with them ten fold. At least Liam is good about putting his stuff away!

I know that the Lord puts things in our way so that we stop and run to Him (hopefully), so that's what I want to do. The problem is that I get distracted when I pray due to sleep deprivation and the chaos so I'm not spending as much time as I need or like. I don't want to be the way I am, easily frustrated right now but I don't know how to not do it in my own power. Thankfully I know that I'm not perfect and the Lord knows it too. Breathe on me sweet breath of God! I would so like to be a sweet and thoughtful woman but instead I feel like a scatterbrained nincompoop! Maybe that will happen yet someday.

Sorry to be a bummer of a post but I just felt the need to be honest.

THings I'm grateful for:

Fall Colors
The honor of living in a free country with the right to choose our leaders!
Freedom of religion
My Bible
My husband
Sewing machine
Friends (especially the ones who really know who I am!)

1 comment:

Melanie Wilson said...

Girl, I have been in this place many times. The good news is when you're as low as you can go, there's only one direction left to travel! I'm not going to tell you what you need to do differently, because you're already doing it! HE is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE! Hallelujah! God makes special mention of "those with young." That's YOU! And He cares for you. I'll be praying. And send the kids over one day this week.